ours is not perfect, i know it'll never be.
we fight. we bitch. we cry,
but at the end of the day we know we mean no harm.
we love.



xoxo

Angela L / SG
beating_pulse87@hotmail.com
reading travelling piano photography facebook twitter

i had a tiring day today - recce, piano teaching, circus!

in between, i overslept at ants house and then couldnt find my new student's place at jalan tarum! i think i need a good day rest tmr.

now i have four students in total (the no. is definitely increasing! yay) but im starting to get abit lazy when it comes to travelling already, so im rejecting those staying too far away from my area (my definition of far = need to change bus)

and i saw shufang at D'MARQUEE! she was just sitting two rows in front of me, and we both got free tickets to watch tonight's circus! (:

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haha blog got invaded by silly ants, and oh my tag board is flooded with his name too!

but that boy is too cute la, so cute that i love him so much! (:
see you at 9 tomorrow morning.

ooh, and i heard zouk is crowded tonight.

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the boundaries of language i quietly cursed

I’ll admit it. Life’s not easy when you’re awake at 5am, trying to get to sleep. It’s not easy because you lie in bed, staring at your ceiling, and your thoughts play out like a pantomime before your mind’s eye. Like a rollercoaster you know you can’t get out of until the ride ends, you buckle up and follow your thoughts wherever they roam. Sex drugs toothpaste cows life death food and everything in between. The two sleeping pills I had don’t work, painful reminders of the chemical resistance I’ve built up in a nauseating mash of two years’ worth of pill popping. Stupid Melbourne. I’ve been feeling that way lately. That everything I’ve become, every action and reaction I’ve been having has been an indirect result of those years. I cannot help feeling that in those 3 or some years I spent over there, I’d used up my capacity, my lifetime’s quota for fulfillment and enjoyment. It’s like my inner self has subdued to conform to the mould of an outer, domesticated self. The giddiness, the flippancy, the undeniable ecstacy of living in wild abandon, I guess that’s why some people do that all their lives ain’t it? It’s just bloody addictive. I gotta admit. The raves the bush fuckin raves frm dusk to dawn, shakin trippin melbourne shufflin, the sleepless fitful days immediately after. casinos movies shopping drinking till the bar’s empty and dead. the thrill of a fight in the middle of the streets knowing the pain you don’t feel only comes the next afternoon when u wake up bloodied and hungover. swanston street mayhem. being in charge of your life for the first time and fucking it up. skiing for a week in the middle of a term, in the middle of exams to be exact. speeding down the black diamond stoned out of your mind, seeing the spray of snow on blood and more importantly, flesh. Laughing at the stitches. picking mushrooms, gettin high off them. Panicking and checkin erowid. Hijacking buggies we didn’t rent for golf games we didn’t pay for. The palm trees swaying in the wind, sky streaked orange as the joint burns down, while you line up a beautiful drive right out of the course. The thousands of litres of alcohol we’ve gotten drunk on, the amount of shit we smoked, the cost of the times of our youth. There’s a cost you know..

You think and you think. You wonder if it’s worth it to go through the fuckin struggle you and the others call a life. You go to a university, make that universities. You graduate n the rat race beckons, and you gleefully paste your number tag on your spankin new briefcase as you tighten that noose you call a tie. Bring in on bitch, you say, you’ve got connections and a brain geared towards personal benefit maximization. You smile your way through the years, amassing an invisible fortune with a utility satisfaction always a dollar away from what you have, you’ve got a car a house loving wife beautiful kids. You’ve done well for yourself, nothing less that was expected of you, and nothing more you can hope to expect given how much of a fuck up you really are. It’s no stretch to say you’re lucky you’re even alive. You pay your bills drink your drinks and go for lunches with old school friends. Your hour glass of life ticks down as does your golf handicap. You get a movie script ending, peaceful and dignified. You start to reminisce. All over again. Of where you stopped and where the new you began. You wonder how it might have been. Probably not better, worse in fact, maybe dead. Still you wonder.

Finally you get sleepy. You fall asleep. I wish I could ! Goodnight !

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we had fun catching up lil pri sch mate! (:
love you xiaoo!

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check this hotel out - http://www.jellyhotel.com/

it's korea's famous hip hotel and it's spells GORGEOUS! (i like persian and versace best) i waaannt to stay there! now i feel like going away on a romantic holiday so so badly... :(

anyway i had a mini brainfreeze just now. mom bought back honeydew milk bubble tea for me because recently i have this sudden craving for it, and it tasted so good! i cant remember when i had such a good one, and it makes me think of secondary school days where all my ij girls will buy it after school from one of the million bubble tea shops in tp, and i also remember drinking it on my way back after swimming. nothing has changed, well at least i still love those black pearls as much.

xxx.

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wesley choi, 7 years old, a cute bespectacled kiddo is my second piano student.(stickers doesnt work for this one, luckily he doesnt mind my cute chops heh) but the lesson was freaking 10 am in the morning and i have to get to lorong ah soo from tp. by right, i have to take bus 59 to bishan interchange and then take 53 to get to his place, however my sweet lil ansel baby tan sweet tsu honey minh woke up at 9 am to drive me down from outside his house (AWW), so i only had to take 73 to meet him! isnt he the sweetest thing? (:

so, after which i went to his house (no, not for ddr again, we've got better stuff to do like searching his brother's entire room for dvds and vcds to bring home to watch when i have nothing better to do) and GOD! his house is like a mini video-ezy shop, he just keeps taking out piles and piles of ps games, vcds and dvds that can appear from anywhere ('places where you least expected it'). scary thang, this one!

oh joy, im finally hitting the boooks again! after i gave up on mockingbird a few weeks ago (i thought watching entourage was much more enticing) and ive watched 5 episodes of entourage this afternoon instead of a nap (but i still did nap anyway after that) yipppee. now ive got books and tonnes of nice shows to keep me company!
it's gonna be stay home weekend everyone.

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i love ansel tan, verrry muchhhh.

thank you, end of post.

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damn adorable, ooh i love the monsters!
and my all-time-favourite jumping turtle (:

meeting queen charr tmr! yayness.

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look what daniel ow sent me a moment ago on msn. click here! i was so damn tickled that i sat in front of my screen laughing like an idiot.

daniel is retarded, i know.

jack's place for lunch in the afternoon, amk for tea, and MOF for dinner! i have another lunch tmr with grandparents. ahhhh too much eating! anyway, pictures from today with qingjia (: he's like super cute and he's my other favourite boy besides ahem you-know-who.



















aww, i heart him very much! (:

my cousin is 5 this year and likes to crawl under tables. too bad he's already taken! currently, he told me he has four girlfriends. well, im his 4th one! tsk! playboy la he.

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im on cloud nine no cloud ten, because.... I PASSED MY DRIVING! (: i thought it was a miracle to pass with 8 demerit points! and just this afternoon my before-test-warm-up lesson was bad enough to cause me like i think 80 million points ( i even went up the curb thrice and everything else you can imagine) and i told you i got so jittery i hardly slept last night. i had butterflies in my stomach the whole time all the way till this afternoon. however when it came to the actual test i felt so much calmer dont ask me why. my legs didnt even shake like what i imagined it to. those three testers at the briefing room who helped in balloting for test routes were really friendly and i really calmed down alot because they cracked a couple of jokes and asked us not to take the test too seriously. that really helped! alot.

once i got into the circuit, my first test- the slope! 'right turn into no. 12!' and so i turned, and guess what, my engine stalled when i was about to move off. the tester looked up, checked my ic again and asked me to proceed. at that point in time, i panicked quite abit. i nearly lost half my confidence i had (considering i had damn little already) but lady luck was with me today because after that, everything else was okay. i didnt mount kurb or do silly things on the road. outside circuit, i got route 10 (i had no idea which road that was) but im sure we didnt follow the original route and detoured very much. amazing thing was, he didnt even test me on u-turns and emergency breaks (that road that has a u-turn had a queue, so mr tan cheng kiat said to proceed straight) whee.

after which i went down to mini hall eleven house gathering at alvin's place with ansel tan. i drove mr ant's car back home just now from alvin's house, and god, it feels gooood to drive under no pressure. it feels as though you're the happiest soul in the whole wide world, getting another form of freedom altogether, knowing that the licence accompanies you for life.

p/s: i still think if other road users see me in the driver's seat, they'll probably think im an illegal driver, ants agree that i loook like a small girl. zzz

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i really cannot imagine how i'll drive this friday. im getting all jittery already!

dan just learnt parking and i told him i think my legs will shake so badly during the test that the whole car will just disco. mark wants to pass me his score sheet so i can take a look at it to avoid committing the same errors he did. tianying told me to keep the heck care attitude and just think you'll fail so you'll not panic. jervois says it's better to be confident mentally so you wont lose your cool. ken says it's ok to fail zzz. big eugene says just take note of what you're doing at all times. small eugene wished me all the best. jem asked me to be extremely careful during test to ensure a pass. wee keat told me not to worry, learn from him and accept failure because it means you'll learn to become a better driver next time. and ants tell me not to worry cause he believes i can do it.

too many comments, too little confidence.

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coolshit 2008. it says they might even hold a night race!

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happy two-oh lings! (:

finally caught 200 pounds beauty with the boy! i think it was an okay movie haha sorry im more into action-packed ones, but the songs they sang inside were nonetheless good. (i always love korean songs and girls! pwetty)

piano exam date is out! it says: ATCL performance, piano. 20 JUNE 2007, 2pm. Kawai Music School, 9 Raffles Boulevard #02-33 Millenia Walk Studio : MW:A. okay, for now, it's twice a week piano lessons for me before my teacher goes off to london on the 7th june leaving me to practise all by my own. this exam means alot to me especially because i failed the diploma recital three years back so im not so sure whether i'll pass this. i dont feel prepared at all seriously, although ive been stuck at this stage for 6 bloody years, faithfully turning up for lessons every wednesdays at paragon. i tell you piano has been eating up all my money! it's definitely a high maintenance pastime, spent shitloads on this since 5, so this time i better work hard to pass or im gonna be damn disappointed with myself.

karen and sarah the twins again! it's monday and they have their weekly piano lessons with me this afternoon. this is only their second lesson and they impressed me with their abilities! sarah goh can actually play the two passages i taught her last week with no mistakes at all, omg amazing. i think she must have practised hard and it does feel so good to see your students achieving something and surpassing your expectations of them. so i feel very happy today (:

love love love kids!

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weiyuan msged me at 2am in the morning to tell me that the school posting result is out! (thanks boy) but i was too lazy to go to the study room to get my lappie, and this morning i went to have cartel breakfast with mom and visited my grandpa at SGH, so i only got to check nie portal now. AND i got into CHIJ PRIMARY (TOA PAYOH)! woots, lucky i appealed. (: now i can wake up at 7.15 am and still saunter in before the school bell rings. (well, if i get afternoon session, all the better!) haha. happiness! (3rd july to 6th july, minus 2nd july - youth day hol)

the second week of school experience, i am posted to BEATTY SECONDARY which is quite near my house too!one direct bus(9th july to 13th july). actually it doesnt really matter because im not teaching secondary schools when i graduate, so im fine with any school as long as it's reasonably near my house. and they say there is a high chance that i will go back to the same primary school to teach after i graduate! and CHIJ is where i wanna teach, so im contented (: chij brings back good memories.

ok, heading to tampines for dinner now. laters!

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omg was i dreaming or did mr khunglin call at 8.15am yesterday morning when i was so sweetly asleep! i think i vaguely remember him telling me about rnb night at mos and nearly got beaten up by some guy because he was dancing with his gf. zzz.

on a ligher note, the hot stone rice still tasted as good as ever! it was day out with mommy on friday. we went amk hub then marina square. i always liked marina square, maybe because i used to frequent that place since young. childhood memories! jervois called me down for a bbq at upper bukit timah after that, saying that there was too much food to finish so i went down to have my 'little supper'. it was good food, good company except for the irritating bugs that were buzzing around the bbq pit. one giant beetle got into my hair and this was the first time i didnt scream. instead, i calmly used my hands to fling it away. i think i just got braver!

cabbed back home after that. shagged.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY IN ADVANCE! (:

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IM GONNA MISS YOU ANSEL TAN!
(even for 3 days!) :( :( :(

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the weather nowadays is crazy hot, its almost like being thrown into an oven during daytime and it gets all humid at night! disgusting :(

it was kbox till 3am on tuesday night (yes i went), despite my wednesday piano lessons the next morning, omg i almost couldnt concentrate in class. ants was so sweet he specially accompanied me down even though he doesnt sing (aww right) but we did have a fun time there, right mister! (:
however, i think by 2am, all of us were already feeling sleepy and ants actually fell asleep on my lap with all the blasting! amazing.

zouk was damn crowded yesterday, with phuture fully packed with people and me and eugene got stuck in the walkway zzz. me ashton and eugene took damn long to decide whether we should head down before that, cause all three of us felt damn damn lazy to get out of the house. yay kelvin came in the end, so both of us had a free ride back home! it's my month's end and im going very poor for now.

but im going MOF tmr yay! hello hot stone rice im coming to eat you!! and i heard their desserts are heaven.

baby's going away for the weekend to bintan, i tell you im so gonna miss this boyy :(

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this is the reason why i prefer pumps nowadays then heels.

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my driving test is next fri!
ah, too soon, too soon!

wanted to catch the 1135pm show at cine yesterday but 200 pounds beauty was too popular that all the tickets were sold out leaving only the 2am show, so me and ants decided that we should go back to his house to listen to his bro's interesting stories instead. so we drove back to gardens in the middle of the night, the three of us on darren's bed, and it was the start of another gossip session. trust me, it was freaky stuff, damn dramatic.

i was so tired that i almost ko-ed at ants house, the past few days ive been awoken by stupid calls in the morning, and i couldnt get back to sleep after that.

oh and i have my first piano students yesterday! two cute twins (: adorable adorable girls. karen and sarah goh! i went music clef school to buy lina ng's beginner books for them. 1 practical book, 2 theory books, 1 manuscript book, and 2 mini notebooks. i gave them stickers after they played each page, and they are quick learners. heh happy happy one and a half hours! although the fees is abit lower than average, but then i dont mind just gaining experience. so every monday, 4.30-6pm im not available anymore, i'll be at potong pasir.

ok, i need to go practise piano for tmr's lesson and get ready for driving at 530. alvin msged me to say there's gonna be ktv session tonight at 7pm in town. i dont know if i can make it.

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aww char is the sweeetest being! she just dedicated one of her post to me and me only (:

http://www.cherryypop.blogspot.com

yes i love you too primary schoool bus mate! we used carry lots and lots of snacks in our bags and share them on the way home on the bus, i liked the seaweed biscuit you brought one day, heh bet you didnt know that!

and oh, i just remembered, i owe alot of people meals already.

1.i owe wee keat and jiahao a meal because they were so kind to me when i met with the darkest days of my uni life in april. for people who havent caught wind of it, i must whine again. i lost my 3000 CHINESE word essay and other vital information on my stupid screwed up thumbdrive when i have a dateline the following week, and i was almost done with that piece of assignment! argh. disgusting i know. and i spent 91834878246 hours in the library the day before in the library just to do it. so these two victims were there on that unfortunate day when i realised my thumbdrive cannot open a single file inside and lend me their helping hand. im truly grateful to jiahao for lending me his thumbdrive till the semester ended and wee keat for well, just being there to listen to my complains and whining the entire evening and to help me think of solutions to retrieve the info inside. heh good'o neighbours in hall! (:

2. i owe alvin a meal. because he has been giving me free rides home and driving me around when mr ants isnt free or not available. and the best thing is, he doesnt complain saying anything about me being a pain in the ass but instead commented that it's his pleasure.

3. i owe ken icecream. simply because there was this disgusting photo of me and my bulging stomach in his camera and he promised me not to upload it for everyone. he's nice and he doesnt use that as a form of blackmail. so there, he deserves icecream from me.

4. i owe lirong a meal because she paid for breakfast today and the skates. so i decided that if im still human, i should return her the treat too.

seee so many! when i get my next salary, it's gonna be gone before i even see the money.

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HAPPY BELATED 21ST BDAY JAEL!

swensens breakfast, blading at bishan park and then jael's bday party in the evening! ouch im burnt and i scraped my fingers. fri timbre night lasted for only half an hour, met char at esplanade and we headed down to join per and gang. it was an indecisive moment cause me and per didnt know whether to head back to timbre after we left (we were considering cabbing back later anyway since we live a few blocks away), or to take the last train home. i would very much have preferred listening to the live band again after the intermission if not for mom's incessant complains that ive been staying out for the past few nights and the tiredness that crept in after that when i thought of waking up early the next day. anyway pictures of hall outing to sentosa below. me ash and keat spent half an hour tanning when the sun decided to hide from us so we played frisbee and volleyball after that with the other hall people. hehhh



timbre!



sentosa group photo!

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sentosa! (:

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ichiban sushi date with chris, char and mag ended up with only two people. chris had gone down with a flu and slight fever while mag was well, somewhere. me and char swear that if we saw chris at mambo later that night, she's so gonna die a terrible death. jas and yilin came by to join us, then perlynn met us. mr ants was nice to accompany me in town too after he woke up so he too, came down to meet us. the group just got bigger. mal and qi came 2 hours after that but i had to leave to watch spiderman 3 with hall mates at lido. we noticed that afternoon was a 'boys-cannot-hold-bladder' day in the cinema. i swear that there were more than 8 people who stood up suddenly in the middle of the show and walked to the toilet. it was just so irritating especially if the guy's sitting in our row cause we had to sit up, move our legs in and let him cross, not mentioning that those people distracted us from the movie. alvin and hao kept laughing at them and we were like whats wrong with these people! like ohmygod.

since the movie lasted for two and a half hours, by the time i reached home, i had barely two hours to shower, practise piano (cause i have a mock exam today), say hi to my mom, and then take cab to zouk to meet my friends. it was freaking crowded even at the coffeeshop opposite where we sat to drink for awhile before we left. it was like everyone decided to go zouk or something. the crowd was damn big. the dancefloor was freaking packed to the brim at phuture and we poor ladies got pushed to a corner in the end. i had people stepping on my feet, my eye was poked twice, me and per knocking our heads against each other ten million times, and me and qi were standing so near to each other that i accidentally kissed her. wth.

ashton yeo and kelvin koh (yes i finally saw that man again) were there, received a nice huge hug from ash (grin) and addy turned up too although she has paper the next day (crazzyyy chiongster you), germaine and karen, amanda, ken mun and zhenming, jean yong, azad, audrey tay, jacq, dexter, mag, chun. etc (i told you the whole world was there already). happening crowd.

pictures from yesterday are below, some with courtesy from char babe (:

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